when you have custody of your children and the are naughty (and they will be all kids are), if it is something little, handle it yourself. you can tell the other parent, but no need to make a big deal out of it. if you don’t have custody, they other parent should give you the same respect. if the other parent calls you and says “they are grounded for the weekend because of x, they HAVE TO BE GROUNDED AT YOUR HOME TOO. you can’t be the “fun” house, i can get away with anything. to be a step parent (or the other mom/dad) doesn’t mean letting the child walk all over you, just so they will like you. they will like you, then they will use you, then they will have no respect for you. been at this a long time, i know what i’m talking about.
if don’t have custody, correct them for the little things, and call the other parent and let them know what he punshiment is, if they want this to work both ways, they will stand behind you and your spouse.
if the are BIG TIME naughty, correct them, give them their punshiment, and call the other parent and let them know what the punshiment is, and that if they are ground at your home, they are grounded at the other home.
kids will try and play you against each other, stand firm, all of the parents.
i’ve seen alot of posts on here that clearly say you can’t truly love a child unless you give birth, or you will always put your child first. this is so wrong. if you feel like that, by all means don’t ever marry someone with children. your marriage will fail in no time. i love my kids. i have 5 and love everyone the same.
if you have a blended family, always make sure your spend the same amount of each child for xmas, b-days, easter, graduations, etc.
also, i don’t care what kid it is, if one has to go to the dr, and the other you want to watch the ball game, the dr. comes first and i don’t care what child it is, again, if you don’t feel like this is the right thing to do, don’t marry someone with children. the children need and deserve people to love them. the kids did nothing wrong. they didn’t ask to be brought into this world, they didn’t ask for their parents to divorce. when you are putting your childs needs ahead of your other kids needs you are being petty and jealous. these kids can’t help who there parents are, if you are that petty, get out, some where there will be someone to love these kids.
by showing the love, understanding, and caring, you are helping to make a better person. you are showing the child it is not their fault their parents are not together.
when i hear at work “not my kid, i don’t care” i just want to choke them. no wonder the kids show no love or respect to them. when these children hear these words, you make them feel un love un wanted and un important in your life.
i started this blog to teach others how to be a good step parent.
after watching our congress stumble, put up road blocks, and generally be stupid about guns, i felt i could no longer sit on the side lines. this isn’t GUN CONTROL, IT IS GUN SAFTEY.
there is a huge sign in my front yard that says “we hunt and we support background checks, magazine limits, and assult bans.
i come from a long line of hunters, my parents had 8 children, 7 of us girls, my dad taught everyone of us how to hunt, and clean our guns. my husband hunts as do all of my children. we own 12 gauges shot guns, 22’s etc. we do not own assult weapons, as these are for war, not hunting. we do not own hand guns, these are for the police and war, not hunting.
we gave up our membership to the nra, they no longer stand for what we stand for. there are 20 dead babies, and congress can not get their heads out of their backsides to do anything about it, worried about the next election, not worried about our children. i wonder how fast something would have gotten done if it was them that had to bury their 6 year old. i’m tired of hearing, “don’t think it will work, so we shouldn’t try.” we don’t know if something will work, until it is tried. if it don’t work, by all means try something else. i’m tired of hearing, i have a right to own an assualt weapon, people kill people, not guns. sorry, but the person has a gun. they got the gun, how they got that gun is what needs to be fixed so they can’t get their hands on the gun.
when the founders of country wrote freedom to keep and bear arms, do you really think they could see into the furture and see weapons that could shot 100 rounds in under a minute?
do you really need 30 rounds to hunt with?
you need 3 rounds to hunt, if you miss the first time, wait for your prey to get closer, if you miss the second time, get your sights checked, if you miss the third time, climb out of your blind, go home and sober up.
if i thought for a minute that one of our hunting guns would be used to kill a child, or anyone else, my husband and i would smash them in a million pieces. we would no longer own one.
i leave you with this though, WHAT GUN OR ROUND OF AMMO IS WORTH A CHILDS LIFE. WHAT GUN WOULD YOU KEEP? WHAT GUN CAN YOU LOOK AT AND SAY, ‘I WOULD RATHER HAVE THAT GUN THAT LET A CHILD LIVE?’ the answer in our home is none. we love to hunt. we enjoy hunting. we have never had to use an assult weapone to kill a deer, elk, bunny, turkey, bear, etc. we are not that bad of shot.
all of our guns are registered with our local police, so is all of our childrens. they don’t have to be, no one told us to, it was the right thing to do, they have been registered for years. and when we purchase a new one, we take it down, it get photographed, and serial number. no one told us too, it is not a law, it is the right thing.
how will you feel when it is your child? your spouse? your parent? your grandchild? will that gun that shoots 100 rounds a minute still be worth it to you? will you still be glad we don’t have universal background checks?
you can to into the local walmart and purchase a shopping cart full of ammo, with no questions asked, get if i need sudafed, my name, address and drivers license goes on list to the local police station because it is used to make meth. making meth bad, hunting children and gunning them down good? are we really that numb to mass killings?
again, what gun to do own that you can look at and say, “I WOULD RATHER HAVE THIS GUN THAT A CHILD LIVE?”
after 27 years of being a step mother (the other mom) it is time to share my experiences.
over 52% of marriages in the u.s. end in divorce, the chances you are going to marry a partener with children is pretty high.
the first step is to realize the ex wife/husband is going to be a part of your life for the rest of your life. if you can’t take it, or don’t want them in your life, get out now. there are going to be ball games, practices, weddings, funerals, baby showers, graduations, open houses, school plays, parent/teacher conferences, bacherlor/bridal showers, etc. and the ex is going to be there. the ex and your new spouse will forever be bound at the hip. even if the ex passes away, your spouse should and will want to be there, for the children, and you need to be there too. so step one in the process of being the step parent, is make sure you know what you are getting into, if this does not sound like the life you want, and remember you have to attend all of these events with a smile on your face, and NEVER say a bad word about the ex. move on and find someone with out a previous marriage.
step two, if you think you can sign on to this, jealousy is out, you can never show it, and have to realize that the ex and your new spouse will always love each other. they may not be in love, but there will be a love there due to the children and the years they have spent together.
step three, and this is the one that my children appreciated the most. NEVER SAY “YOU ARE NOT MY KID” NEVER SAY “THIS IS MY STEP CHILD” these kids do not look like a stair case, or a set of steps. NEVER treat the kids different. your kids, his kids, her kids, they are kids, and you don’t let them say “step brother/step sister. you don’t let them say half brother/sister. if you don’t use these words, your kids won’t use these words. we have a blended family here, no one knows what kids are my husbands, or what kids are mine from our first marriages, are kids do not say “that is my step brother”, they just say my brother. this is the most important in blending the family. if the kids know you prefer one over the other, if they are treated different, your marriage will not work.
when you have the kids and they need a hug, you give it to them. when they do the crime they do the time. don’t say “your not my kid, wait until your dad/mom gets home. and they do the crime together. if your kid, and your other kid to the crime together, they do the time together. don’t play favorites.
step four. it is up to you to get along with the ex. when you get along with the ex, your spouse will get along with the ex, and the kids will be all the better for it, when your spouse sees you won’t get along with their ex, they will unload every bad memory about them, and the hurt stays, festers and grows. the only thing this accomplishes is the kids will come to despise you both. i called my husbands ex my ex wife in law. it got a giggle from the kids, and her, we got along, not at first, but when i seen what it was doing to the children i knew it was up to me to make things right.
my ex wife in law and i took the kids swimming, we took them to yard sales, we did things together for the children. when she feel ill at 53 (about 6 years ago) i took time off of work to take her to her dr. apts, i cleaned her home, and her, i made sure she had her meds. and when she passes, i cashed in my vacation time, and was there my husband and i for are children when she left us. we were at the funeral. we had the dinner at our home after the funeral. these are the things your children will remember. that you cared for their parent as much as them.
we had thanksgiving at our home every year. i cooked the meal and my ex wife in law and her husband would come and spend the day. our children loved it, they had a day a year where they could have all their parents together, and a meal. it was hard the first few years. but i swallowed the hurt, put a smile on my face, this was not about me, it was about the children.
after you have read these tips and you still feel like you can do this, you will be all the better person for it, your life will not only improve with your spouse, but with your children, and your family can only be stronger. if you feel you can’t and don’t have to do any of these things, i will bet your marriage will fail, and your kids will hate you, so don’t marry anyone with children.
i have done this for years, my children love and respect me, we have a wonderful relationship and now and then, they will remind me of how i took care of their mom when she was ill, how we had thanksgiving together, and how they knew i always loved them.
my kids never called me their “step mom” when they introduced me to their friends, they called me “their other mom”.
i am a great “other mom”. it took time, things hurt me to the core when it came to the kids, but they never knew it, they don’t to this day. i always swallowed my hurt, plastered a smile on face and did what needed to be done, for the children. when you become the the other mom/dad, it is not about you, it is for the children. they come first, and their feelings come first.
make sure you know what you are getting into, make sure you can swallow that hurt and smile, and make sure your spouse pays their child support. not paying the support does not hurt the ex, it takes food, and clothing out of your kids mouth.
rose48809 